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whiteorgreen

Jul. 15th, 2005

12:47 am - love addict

it's so hard for me to live without having a love interest, or be in a relationship. i heard that there are support groups for this sort of thing. i wonder if i need to be part of one.

there's this stupid cycle of me thinking i need a guy to be my muse, but when i get one, it's just a stressful waste of time. would it work better just to "date" people and not be in a relationship? would that keep me from getting too involved, yet still fulfill my need for intimacy? i think this is something that 24 year olds do. if you're not married by this point, there is no point to rush the serious relationship stuff, right?

it would be funny if i wrote "mouse" instead of "muse"

Current Mood: confusedconfused

Jul. 7th, 2005

12:13 am - sucky

tango dancing was really stupid today because all the experienced dancers felt like being snobs and not dancing with anyone else.
i want to get married and have a nice relaxing life, but there is no one to date, and if i did find someone to date, i'm hell to be in a relationship with anyway. i would not want to put someone i care about in that position ever again.

Jun. 30th, 2005

03:34 pm - where's chris?

i just spent the last three hours painting rainbows on a 10 inch plaster baby donkey.
suddenly i can't remember the purpose of my exisence.

now that i'm done with the donkey, i have nothing to do.

Current Music: bob dylan "it ain't me, babe"

Jun. 29th, 2005

10:49 pm - i don't know what to believe

i just got back from a lindy class.
i realized that there are a few things that i have to do every day to feel alive:

pray
eat
create
dance


i don't know if anything else belongs on that list, but i think that if i had to put one more thing, it would be to spend some time with a certain person that i'm not going to mention because it would cause too much controversy, and i'm still sorting it all out in my mind.

Jun. 28th, 2005

05:42 pm - vancouver, bc

the vancouver lindy exchange was weird. i heard more dance gossip than i ever thought existed, and i developed a crush on an adorable art student from emily carr named jordan. the crush only lasted 2 days. that's about how long men are able to keep my interest nowadays. i'm probably gay.

i realized that i love dancing, but don't necessarily love dancers. however, i am planning on going to the seattle, san francisco, portland, and austin lindy exchanges within the next year if anyone would like to join me.

i stayed in the ceramics studio until 330 am. it's so nice to be in there alone at night. the only bad part was the crazy drunk guy walking around outside.

lastly, when working on ceramics is a big part of my life, i have no need/desire for a romantic partner.

Jun. 20th, 2005

09:47 am - possible mates

last night jean made a list of possible boyfriends i could have. solomon was not on the list.
i asked jean and perrin if they would help me cast a love spell on him, and they both said "no" in unison. perrin said he's not worth it.
so instead we called my cell phone and left a message for me from solomon. in the message he said that he loves the way he feels around me and he wants to kiss me. it's one of the best messages i have ever gotten. it's funny to think that it's from myself.

09:15 am - weekend in oly

i just woke up next to perrin, and there was a hot cup of licorice tea right next to my side of the bed. she made me tea before i even woke up. we agreed that we would start dating each other if we didn't live in different states. there are only a few people that i can fall asleep next to easily. for most people, i just pretend to be asleep all night, but with perrin it's the real thing.

we went swimming in ward lake yesterday and the day before. that lake is my favorite because of all the memories i have there.
there are some things i can't write about because i don't know how to get it into words, but i have to say that i really love being around perrin. yesterday i told her that she treats all her friends like she's in love with them. she hugs people when she feels like it, or kisses them or attacks them, or tells them how much she cares about them at any given moment. i always feel like i can only be in love with one person at a time, but perrin has proven me wrong.

while i was driving around town with j-dog and perrin, we started to get pretty rowdy. we were yelling at cute boys and girls out the window,
me- hey, how'd you break your arm?
boy- i fell off my skateboard.
me and perrin (really loud and mushy) --that's soooooooo cute!
then we drove away. we saw our friend on the sidewalk and jean threw an entire watermelon at her. it exploded on the sidewalk. later she said that she took a bite of the watermelon after we drove away and that it was mealy.

Jun. 18th, 2005

03:01 am

solomon douglas.

Jun. 17th, 2005

01:33 am - attention everyone

anyone who ever wants to dance in my kitchen is welcome to. there is a dance party in it at least once a day, every day. today was a tango/lindy party with my friend dustin.

Jun. 16th, 2005

03:13 pm - a trick question

i got the job/
in a couple weeks i am going back into the full-time work life. i really don't want to work 40 hours a week. i need to have enough time to
go dancing every night 4 hrs
sleep 6 hrs
do ceramics 3 hrs
draw 1 hr
read 1 hr
talk to friends 1 hr
hang out with friends 4 hours
yoga 1 hr
if i work 9 hrs a day ...
that makes a 30 hour day.

i have never had a full time job and been able to keep up with friends and hobbies. my job will be from 8 to 5. that just doesn't give me enough time. how do people with full time jobs and time-consuming hobbies keep up with it?

i need this job because it's a stepping stone to where i want to go next. there is a position they have called infant interventionist where i would hang out with a little kid and then go to his or her house and hang out with the family to make sure that things are going well. i can't have that job until i do my job that i just got hired for.

life is complicated. can i just marry rich?

Current Mood: confusedconfused

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